Have you ever reacted to feedback before you even knew what you were reacting to?

In this episode of Deep Work Out Loud, Julie Harris Oliver welcomes coach Susan Lanphier to explore the power of the pause, a deceptively simple leadership and communication skill that creates real choice in emotionally charged moments. Drawing on her decades in tech and coaching leaders through change, Susan explains how a pause is what shifts us from reacting to responding, and how curiosity and empathy do the heavy lifting from there, especially in feedback conversations where defensiveness and anger are so often just fear wearing a different face.

Julie and Susan get into how leaders set the emotional temperature for everyone around them, why normalizing emotion at work still requires real boundaries and psychological safety to hold it, and what repair actually looks like when it's built on accountability for impact rather than good intentions, backed by self-compassion instead of self-punishment. They also talk about how judgment quietly blocks curiosity before it even has a chance, and why making time to pause, for strategic thinking and for your own priorities, takes boundaries and ongoing recommitment rather than a one-time decision.

In This Episode:

• Why a pause is what creates the choice between reacting and responding

• Using curiosity and empathy to stay grounded in feedback conversations

• How leaders set the emotional temperature for their teams

• Normalizing emotion at work without losing boundaries or psychological safety

• Repair through accountability for impact, not just intent

• Self-compassion as the foundation that makes repair possible

• How judgment shuts down curiosity before it starts

• Making time to pause through boundaries and recommitment

⏰ Chapters 00:00 Welcome and Format00:35 Meet Susan Lanphier01:31 Power of the Pause03:41 Feedback Without Reacting06:04 Leaders Set the Tone08:15 Coaching and Practice10:46 Emotions and Boundaries15:08 Repair and Accountability17:59 Assumptions Block Curiosity20:24 Making Time to Pause23:41 Connection and Next Steps24:27 Find Susan and Closing

👤 About Susan Lanphier Susan Lanphier is a coach with decades of experience in tech and in coaching leaders through change. Her work centers on helping leaders build the emotional skills, like pausing before reacting, that create genuine connection and psychological safety on their teams. She offers an "Align and Accelerate" coaching call for leaders ready to put these practices into action. 🌐 Website: https://susanlcoaching.com

👤 About Julie Harris Oliver Julie Harris Oliver is an Executive Coach, Leadership Development Professional, and host of the Deep Work Out Loud podcast. Through thought-provoking conversations with coaches, leaders, and subject matter experts, Julie helps professionals develop greater self-awareness, strengthen leadership skills, navigate career transitions, and create meaningful personal and professional growth.

Each episode explores practical insights you can apply to your work, relationships, leadership, and everyday life. 🌐 Website: https://julieharrisoliver.com

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