EP 16 Identity in Transition with Ben Basilian | Deep Work Out Loud
Julie Harris Oliver: Welcome to Deep Work Out Loud, the thinking that fuels our life, our work, and our leadership. I'm Julie Harris Oliver. This is a podcast where I sit with another professional coach and we do some work around a single idea, a concept, something we've been working on a piece of inspiration. If we're really lucky while we're talking about it, we might demonstrate what coaching might look and feel like, but we'll see how this goes. It's all an experiment. With any luck, you're going to leave with something that you can use in your life or your work, or both. Today I'm here with Ben Basilan as a transition and emerging leaders coach.
Ben works with clients to seize opportunities that are waiting right around the corner. He especially enjoys working with first and second generation immigrants who are carving new paths for themselves. His 20 plus year career has been influenced by his roles as a counselor, people manager, and as a user experience researcher across several companies.
He enjoys thoughtfully supporting the personal and professional growth of others. He leads with empathy and [00:01:00] humility and enjoys it most when partnering with others to achieve their goals.
He is learned from diverse experiences, wonderful colleagues, and from his own challenges all the while trying to do so with a smile on his face. A bit of fun and a positive attitude. Hi Ben.
Ben Basilan: Hi, Julie.
Julie Harris Oliver: Thanks for coming.
Ben Basilan: Yeah. Anything for you?
Julie Harris Oliver: First, tell us what brought you to coaching.
Ben Basilan: I think you pretty much spelled it out right there in that intro. But I'd say the more recent thing is just I didn't want something to just happen to me. I think right now in the industry that I work
Were a lot of layoffs. Fellow researchers that I worked with in the past have been, impacted by those and I really felt like I needed to do something about that.
And so when I was evaluating kind of the skills that I, and the things that I enjoyed, it really took me back to my counseling days and really bridging that experience along with everything that I've learned of working in, corporate environments. And then also as a researcher, just really listening to people and trying to uncover [00:02:00] their. Their needs. So all of that led to coaching.
Julie Harris Oliver: And that totally makes sense. So what are you noodling that you wanna talk about today?
Ben Basilan: Yeah, I think, something that I'm noodling that is probably I think I've thought about this probably throughout my life, but especially the past three years, having gone through a couple of different transitions in my life is just about identity. And
Could talk. It's a broad topic that there's very personal things from a identity standpoint that that I could share.
And then there's also, I think everybody has those experiences where they're trying to, just trying to understand a little bit more of who they are and how that affects their everyday.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah. Yeah, that's really speaking to me right now. 'cause sometimes it's more than, who are you? It's who are you now? And that, that can change over time. Okay. Lay it. What do you mean?
Ben Basilan: All right. So let me think of maybe how for me, in, in terms of why this is something that I, I thought of as [00:03:00] something that we could chat about is professionally with the clients that I work with I've realized that while. They would never necessarily come out and sometimes won't say identity is what they're struggling with.
I think it, it's very one of those root things that will naturally come up in any kind of transition that you're going through. So I've worked with clients that are navigating. Becoming small business owners. I talked to some of my clients who are becoming emerging leaders and not necessarily like an executive leadership position, but could even just be having more responsibilities at their work and kind of realizing that.
That comes with a lot of changes in terms of work-life balance how they present themselves at work compared to how they used to be especially if they're moving from a individual contributor role to a new manager. And then also just thinking about, i'd mentioned layoffs and so I was working with somebody where it's a very, tough thing and shatters a little bit of oneself when you're dealing with layoffs.
So for professional wise, I feel like [00:04:00] it's been something that's come up in several of the different conversations I've had in sessions. And then personally this last, I'd say three years, I've thought a lot about. How my identity has shifted and changed and how much of that the challenge of trying to hold onto things that maybe I felt were just a natural part of me, but then are actually things that are ones that maybe don't serve me anymore in, in where I'm at. And so, some of the things that kind of come to mind me, with me there is around I think a catalyst was going through a divorce. I think that
Changed the trajectory of where I was headed. I also, I had to navigate a change at work from going to a people manager, back to a, an ic.
So I was on the trajectory of four plus years of being a manager and like really having to reevaluate my identity and feeling is it. Is it still the same? Can I still offer the same impact? Does it feel less than at some moments than what I was doing as a manager? [00:05:00] And then also just thinking through my mom's getting older right now, and she's navigating some of those changes as she's aging.
And so it really made me think about what would that be like for somebody else that is having to experience a new part of their life where there are probably things that are. I think my brother and I, my sister and I, questions like what can change or what can't change when, as somebody gets older in terms of that just a part of who they are and their personality and can't expect anything different from that versus where are those places that, we still are learning more about ourselves and can shift into different ways of thinking about or exploring different parts of ourselves.
Julie Harris Oliver: I guess like some pieces of identity are fixed. Through your life and some change with circumstance, with environment, with stage of life. Okay. You've laid a lot out on the table. I wonder what, um, do any of those feel more energy around them that [00:06:00] you wanna dig into more? I,
Ben Basilan: Yeah, I think maybe just the, you had mentioned the like can, you can like the changing part of what can you change versus what you can't I think would
Julie Harris Oliver: yeah.
Ben Basilan: A, an interesting one. And then see what comes from that. Area that I would say around, that I've been really learning a little bit more about is of how we have these inner saboteurs that prevent us from becoming our full actualized self or interfere with our wellbeing, our performance and relationships.
And they're often rooted from things in your childhood. And so as I've thought about those things. At times and reflecting on it and having some time to have some self-awareness around that, I'm like, oh, I just thought that was how I naturally am versus what can actually be changed. So I think that might be a good start.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah, that's really good, especially when you come looking at things like, oh, that's the way I am. I react to things this way. And then when you really dig into it, it's, oh, you're reacting that way for a reason, and let's look at what that [00:07:00] reason was. Then ask the question like, yeah, that served you really well, that was important, that protected you, or that got you where you needed to be, but do you need that anymore?
Ben Basilan: Mm-hmm.
Julie Harris Oliver: it still helping you? Or now is it getting in your way?
Ben Basilan: Exactly. Yeah. That's the, one that I had is around how I am a, very hyper-rational person, and a lot of people would describe me as having a lot of empathy, but I realized how much more I had to work at that. I grew up in a, and this is part of the, how I formed my identity. I think I, I grew up with immigrant parents who are Filipino.
I grew up in the Midwest in Ohio, and then. To the south in North Carolina. And so when I think about those things, I was dealing with a lot of internal identity issues of not really recognizing myself in some places, but then being around a lot of surprisingly, having a, a strong Filipino community in Ohio, which was wild to me, to, to have a lot [00:08:00] of. People to call your aunties and uncles, even if they're not blood related to you. I had a good community there, which at times would be really interesting of being very embedded within that communal community on the weekends and then going to Catholic school during the week and realizing oh, these two worlds feel different to me and don't necessarily intersect.
I think the religion intersects, but the like. People looking like me in, in, in grade school felt very different from that perspective. And so I think I, it was early on that it started to come up for me. And so because of that, I think I was very internal and I, that hyper-rational person started to like really form at that point where I wasn't really outwardly emotional.
My parents didn't really talk about these things. It wasn't like they had to help me navigate that. I think. Because I did well in school. They just thought everything was okay, but there wasn't really this openness and an open environment to be able to share your feelings. And so I did [00:09:00] compartmentalize a lot of those things.
And so I think that I always just thought that I was very thoughtful or that I liked to think about things. But I think, oh, I think it started off early. It wasn't a, it wasn't a place where I was, maybe felt safe enough to be able to have those conversations or, or was it
Julie Harris Oliver: So it sounds like like you put on this, I wanna say this cloak of rationality, but it's, it, I'm curious what you had to do in those two different environments. 'cause it sounds like you were covering at school for sure to fit in, but then it also sounds like you were covering at home by not talking about it.
What was that burden?
Ben Basilan: Yeah, I think it also, maybe I should also tie it into then that manifested itself, especially when I moved to North Carolina from Catholic school to then public school
Julie Harris Oliver: In the
Ben Basilan: being
Julie Harris Oliver: South.
Ben Basilan: the south. And not being in the, that community anymore. And so the way that it started to form itself was my parents never actually sat me down to have a conversation with my brother and I about [00:10:00] the move. the entire time. Right. So we didn't have a sit down. How are you doing with the move?
And I think some of that is generationally for them. My parents are actually a little bit older in terms of, I think my dad was 40 when he had me. My mom was 38. So there was a disconnect there, but then there was also a
Julie Harris Oliver: That's not a talkative generation usually.
Ben Basilan: Yeah. And then there's also a cultural barrier there where it wasn't a. Unless there was outward signs or probably me taking it upon myself to be able to bring that up to them, it wasn't happening. And so I just learned maybe that I had to deal with it myself. were transitioning to new jobs in North Carolina.
My dad lost his job in Ohio, and so that's why we moved. So all of that timeframe when I was forming my identity, especially as a adolescent in middle school. almost felt like I was navigating that on my own.
And so the burden felt very much on myself. I didn't [00:11:00] realize and know that I say something in, in a lot of ways as a kid.
I think that had to do with the environment that I was in, but also things that I was dealing with.
Julie Harris Oliver: What would you have said?
Ben Basilan: I think I would've said how, it's really tough to leave your entire friendship group cousins that you're close with being in a separate school as your brother. Now, we were in the same school the entire time I was at Catholic school, but it was my first, I like didn't real like he was gonna be in high school.
I was gonna be in middle school. And so it felt very alone. I do remember. Going to the closet and just like crying myself to myself every morning. And my mom had already gone to work and so I didn't have that, anybody really, it felt like in that moment to like have that conversation with around these are the things that are going on with me right now.
And so I just had to try to make sense of it myself. Which was tough. I think at that time too. Also to, to share this as another form of identity is I. [00:12:00] Started to realize that, that at that age that something was different in terms of who I was attracted to. So it was my first kind of like understanding of along with all those other life transitions, to have to then also deal with leaving people that you feel really safe and secure with. But being gay. And so it kind of magnified this feeling of, drawing more inward as opposed to outwardly trying to talk about these things as I'm. Making sense of why I am feeling this way. And so all of those things combined I think, started to really play into who I eventually started to form into as an adult.
And I could see those connections now, having more experiences, more time with that. But it's interesting to know how lasting that could be.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah. Then did you have a point where as a, because that's not the you I know today, right? So was there a point where you're like, oh, this isn't working for me anymore?
Ben Basilan: Yeah. For me, I think it ended up [00:13:00] being, after dating somebody for three and a half years in college and then realizing that, it wasn't gonna work between my girlfriend and I, I was finally gonna be back at home. I think the life that I started to have in. College and experiences that I had in college, especially grad school, working with or being in grad school, I think helped out a lot.
As a counselor trying to make sense of wow, if I'm gonna be able to help other people as a counselor, I really need to be able to figure out my own stuff and kind of deal with that and be able to live a more honest life. And I think naturally I was around a cohort of people. Similar to probably how, with coaching, having a cohort of people that you feel immediately have similar goals as you in terms of what you're learning, skill sets that you're, that you're building upon. skills really allowed me to open up in that way. It's wild because some of my best friends in, in, [00:14:00] in college still, like I. Didn't come out to them before I came out to people I had only known for a year in my grad school. And it at times I've struggled with that also with feeling like, oh lying to some of my best friends or feeling like I can't be to myself or true to them. But with some people I would maybe think of as like more strangers compared to them, it made it a little bit easier.
So a lot of those things just. Came about, I think, especially during grad school. And then when I finally, started working, I think I slowly started becoming more open and out to friends, my family. And I feel like I've never had a negative experience in that.
Fortunately. I think that's a really great sign in terms of the network and the relationships I have with, loved ones I'm fortunate in that and I know that's not the case for everybody.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah. And then how do you look at this in terms of work, how do you think, how do you think identity affects people at [00:15:00] work?
Ben Basilan: Oh, so much. So even if we try not to, I think I kind of wanna ask you this question
Julie Harris Oliver: okay.
Ben Basilan: I was wondering, I always wonder when people say oh, we just want you to be able to show up as your authentic self. How do you feel about that? Because I have opinion.
Julie Harris Oliver: Oh, I in an ideal world, great. I don't think it's, especially, we are recording this in the year of our Lord 2026. Yeah. I don't think it's safe for people necessarily. I don't think you can assume safety for people to show up and be their authentic selves considering the systems and the environment and all of that like it.
I think people in top layers of leadership, if they can create. A space that's psychologically safe that could allow people to show up as their full selves. I think that's the ideal that we should all work for, but I do feel it. It might be a little irresponsible too right now, really encourage people to do that.
If the system is not in a place where that's gonna be supported,
Ben Basilan: Nice.
Julie Harris Oliver: What
Ben Basilan: I
Julie Harris Oliver: think?[00:16:00]
Ben Basilan: people. Yeah. I applaud people that could show up as their authentic self, and I think that means various things to different people. And because it's your authentic self and unique, your comfort level of that, isn't the same. I don't think it's like a, it's gonna be such a, like a standard answer of how people would show up authentically.
For me, I don't think people would necessarily want me to show up as my authentic self because I think to myself, if I was showing up, I would be way more sassier than I am at work. I don't think I would have as good of partnerships because there would probably be this level of more bluntness versus when you are in an environment where you have to collaborate. Work with different personalities, identities showing up differently at work. It, it is, it does. You shouldn't just, in my, for me, have that, that my own needs when it comes to my own identity at work, being being met, I think it still takes a little bit [00:17:00] of self-awareness in yourself and other people to realize Hey, your authentic self also still needs to be. um, uh, uh, Relationships and, and fit a little bit of some of the I think that just naturally happen with work and that are dictated by a work environment.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah,
Ben Basilan: but I do applaud people when they are able to really feel that they have that. And I, especially as a former manager would want to be able to that type of environment for somebody as well.
Julie Harris Oliver: and I bet we could. I think there's a whole spectrum, and on the one side it's like, appropriateness or, I don't know, decorum, whatever, professional, whatever. And on the other hand is, you know, being a robot who shares nothing, who comes across as very inauthentic. You're covering so much.
So, and I wonder, I'm thinking about, uh, the conversation I had with Erin on an earlier podcast talking about [00:18:00] experimentation, and maybe that's an area where you can experiment a little bit of, can I let a little bit out with this person or in this circumstance.
Ben Basilan: Yeah, definitely. And I think that there's, I some, oftentimes people feel like there's just one. True self or there's a one one, one thing I'm trying to strive for in terms of I think work sometimes work identities especially it feels like, hey I want this answer now of who I am, what I'm trying to do, but it takes a lot of time.
That experimenting is a great example of that. And then also there could be different sides of somebody. So like exploring your selves and, and experimenting what that looks like. I think for me, one thing that was really interesting about going and getting trained as a coach and still being a UX researcher was I was. Really trying to compartmentalize those two professions. In terms of who am I as a UX researcher and who am I as a coach? And what it was [00:19:00] really ended up doing, what I learned after working with an executive coach was that why do these two things need to be separate? And instead of having goals for one of those and another goal for another, happens if we merge those?
And it becomes how is your, what are your professional goals? And it unlocked. A new way of thinking for myself, where a lot more ease and flow in terms of. Goals that I were, I was trying to accomplish that would really make me successful as a UX researcher, but also make me successful as a coach.
And so I think that there's an a, a place where you can have these different identities meet together in a really effective way. It does take time. It takes experimenting with that. The experiences in doing, I think are going to be the areas that help you. Make adjustments and tweak to figure out what works for you.
Julie Harris Oliver: Can you break that down a little bit more because I'm wondering if your identity as a coach and your identity as a UX researcher, [00:20:00] but your business goals might be the same, but break. Break it down really granular for me.
Ben Basilan: Yeah. If we get the specific to it. So I think that there are, like, from a research perspective, there are very concrete things that I need to do. To make sure that I am meeting the expectations of me on my career ladder,
Julie Harris Oliver: Mm-hmm.
Ben Basilan: Making sure that I'm having impact from a company standpoint. And also probably also for me Hey, what are my goals here? Also, if I'm, a full-time employee, where am I? What am I working towards here? Professionally the other way from a coaching perspective when I'm thinking about, Hey, how do I build a, a pipeline of clientele and get my name out there and market myself and understand a little bit more of the niche that I want. For me, they felt so competing with each other that when I
Julie Harris Oliver: Hmm.
Ben Basilan: About the time in the, how much time in the day am I able going to, gonna be able to devote to. sides [00:21:00] of these equally. It at times it felt like I'm not really successful in either one of these, at all. And so it was really those situations where I would have to prioritize one over the other versus combining some of those goals.
In terms of where are the places and goals where they actually intersect? I think some of them had to do with my goals had to do with like, how do I show up and how do I wanna show up for people?
Goal could be showing up for my boss, showing up for a coworker, showing up for my cross-functional partners.
That could be how can I show up for potential clients anybody that I interact with to potentially, the future, maybe support them. How can I help them in the future? So just that one goal of how do I show up and how do I wanna present myself professionally really allowed me to be able to merge, and think of that more as a combination of who I am as opposed to, distinct , careers that I was doing.
Julie Harris Oliver: [00:22:00] Yeah, I love that. Thank you for clarifying that. 'cause then you are who you are. Everywhere you show up in a really authentic way,
Ben Basilan: Exactly.
Julie Harris Oliver: And I bet it made you, and I bet it made you better at both things.
Ben Basilan: 100%. I found it to. Be ab I was able to feel more motivated overall,
Versus feeling right, feeling motivated in one area, but not in the other. Prioritizing one area over the other, it allowed me to really work on things that would benefit everything as opposed to just a singular job I was doing.
So
Julie Harris Oliver: Because you can practice how you're showing up everywhere you go. Yeah.
Ben Basilan: Yeah, I think also from a how I communicate could be a diff another goal, right?
Julie Harris Oliver: Mm-hmm.
Ben Basilan: working on my own communication, working on my listening skills is a great one for both of those careers. I'm a researcher. I work with multiple different people. I work with different personalities at work. I also [00:23:00] as a coach. to be able to to hone those skills as a a listener. So I think all of it started to make more sense to me when I was able to think about it from the professional Ben versus the researcher Ben or the coach
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah. Like I Ben, am a person who listens well.,
Ben Basilan: Yes,
Julie Harris Oliver: I'm gonna do that everywhere.
Ben Basilan: Yes. as much as possible. I mean, I.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah. So then what about how identity shifts through stages of life? I just went through, all my kids went off to college, I got remarried. I left an industry, I left a state, and I realized. How much identity was shifting along the way, and I really had to take a minute to be like, okay, who am I now?
What am I doing? All those things. How do you think about that?
Ben Basilan: Yeah. I love what you said. I had to take a minute and it probably will, that minute might be [00:24:00] years for some
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah. By a minute. A very long time.
Ben Basilan: Very long time.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah.
Ben Basilan: Like I think that, in the moment when that's happening I do think that there's times where people have to feel like they have to figure it out.
'cause. A lot of times we're not comfortable in the uncomfortable. Right. And if so much of your life was those identities of of being a mom and having a specific career, what are you left with after that? Right. It. You have to learn how to fill that up and explore, experiment figure out that next phase.
And I think it doesn't have to happen all at once. There was actually somebody that I was talking to who was right about to shift into retirement. And so as we were talking about a potential coaching engagement they wanted to skip steps and go from. Immediately to like, I wanna know what I'm doing.
And it's okay, well there's all this in-between. And that [00:25:00] transition and figuring out the in-between you might not know right away what you're gonna be doing. And this is that chance to do that. I think for some people that could be really fun. And then for other people it's a scary
Julie Harris Oliver: Really uncomfortable.
Ben Basilan: Nerveracking really uncomfortable. And so for us as coaches, how do we help people navigate that? We're not gonna say that the uncomfortableness is gonna go away, but how do we navigate it in a, and help navigate it to, in a way to get them there, in a reasonable amount of time, but then to also through the process and respect the process that it's gonna take to do that. So that's one, I guess my, my thought of, of, when you're having to shift in a transition like that is, can be terrifying. It can also be exciting. I think also times this is a good one from a divorce standpoint. There are times where we might not want to have to change our identity, but something traumatic in our life happens and it forces you to [00:26:00] have to deal with that that shift in who you are.
There's still things that could probably still be similar to who you are, but then. Another self comes out of that as well. And so it could lead to a lot of opportunity and change that, that you weren't expecting. Um, I even was able to, in my divorce, work with a fortunate enough to work with a relationship coach.
And at the time one thing that that sold me on working with a relationship coach was. sharing with me that this isn't forever. This is temporary. You've been through something really traumatic and so your foundation is very broken and cracked, and so we're just trying to build your foundation back up.
And I thought to me, yes I am. That's how I'm feeling. I need help with this because. The support that I normally would've had with my ex wasn't there. [00:27:00] And so it was really nice to be able to lean in into somebody that has some expertise in that and really helped me get out of that a lot faster than I think if I had tried to do it on my own.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah, for sure. And I'm laughing to myself 'cause as you're talking about this, I've, for years I was divorced and had three kids and so I was single mother of three for a long time, which I was. Proud of myself having done it. And I was very like rage against the machine because every stereotype in media of a single mother of three, even like in Congress, when they're discussing bills, the single mother of three, the most downtrodden, helpless person in the world is the single mother of three.
And so I was, my whole life was like a fight against that stereotype. And I'm like, that is not whatever you're thinking, I, that is not what I, so then. I got married a few years ago, and I'll still be like, as a single mother of three, and my husband is like excuse me. You're not that anymore.
And then I have to be like oh yeah. [00:28:00] I'm not a single mother of three. I have a partner. I don't have to fight this fight the way I used to, it's a whole different thing. But shifting that, even just that piece of my identity is oh, okay.
Ben Basilan: It's really interesting there too, but it, I, it sounds like also that you'll never be able to fully let go of that person because it's so,
Julie Harris Oliver: because it happened.
Ben Basilan: it happened in the time you became who you are now, and there's
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah.
Ben Basilan: a lot of really great qualities that came out of. That, that, that challenge of having to do those like, um, being resilient, like that resiliency doesn't go away.
Julie Harris Oliver: No, but the, I can let go of the crusty shell, I can lay down the sword.
Ben Basilan: that's
Julie Harris Oliver: So though that piece,
Ben Basilan: Yep. Yeah, I think you, you mentioned I, I'd be remiss to not say this. I think one thing I did want to talk also about when it comes to identity as, as, as like, kind of what's happening right now. I think, like
Had these conversations with friends and family is when your identities [00:29:00] clash with loved ones, right?
So I feel like there's this thing that we're going through right now where.
Julie Harris Oliver: It is January 30th, 2026 for reference.
Ben Basilan: we, can I be my true self if I fundamentally don't believe in what you believe in? And if you are in my life, what does that say about me? And how does that, how can I reconcile that or how can I accept that difference? And I think that is a struggle that of people are also dealing with right now around, the competing your identity and others. Yeah.
Julie Harris Oliver: I unfriended someone two days ago, really old friend and I, for a long time. I've tried to hold space for, we're living in two different realities. We have two different news sources. We are only given specific information that we agree with. And so there's a little part of me that's like, well, not everybody's dealing with all the information, but I'm also [00:30:00] getting to a point of.
It is your responsibility to get all the information now and not be so certain while only having half the facts. And so I, IWI wish I knew how to reconcile this. Now
Ben Basilan: What.
Julie Harris Oliver: are you thinking?
Ben Basilan: I, it is such a personal level. I think there it goes to those things where it's not an easy answer. And I encountered that with, family members that had to cut off other family members. And, it is so personal to who you are what you are able to. Deal with what you're able to allow to affect you in your every day.
And sometimes it is just easier to take a break and realize that those differences are too much for me right now to make anything, productive out of it. Right. And I think that's an okay response to that. I also, on the flip side of that, feel like much. That I [00:31:00] guess for me personally, am I going to allow it to affect and change what I think about myself if you are still in my life?
Right? I think for me, same as you just went at it with a family member recently about something that, that I suddenly don't agree with and felt horrible about it and had to realize Lives are not just one thing,
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah.
Ben Basilan: The relationship is not built on one thing. And there could be room to remember that there are other selves that we are bringing into the, into this experience with each other I maybe shouldn't just focus on the one aspect of of who they are.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yes. And. The one aspect is so destructive and wreaking such havoc and so immoral, like, uh, yeah,
Ben Basilan: Yeah.
Julie Harris Oliver: hard.
Ben Basilan: Yes. And I think that's maybe some of the [00:32:00] starting for what we could start with ourselves is like understanding that self-awareness. Right. I think, with coaching we've, especially with Hudson being trained about being coach itself and being very self-aware is like maybe just really understanding like where are those feelings and where are some of that tension really coming from on our end.
And to be able to focus that in, in how it helps us grow and then also realizing might just need to accept that I'm not gonna have a relationship with this person. And that's the answer.
Julie Harris Oliver: Yeah.
Then you also hope that removing the relationship will influence them in some way,
But you can't assume that's gonna happen either.
Ben Basilan: Exactly. Yeah.
Julie Harris Oliver: And then at some point we're going to have to heal
Ben Basilan: You
Julie Harris Oliver: The.
Ben Basilan: Yeah. I think that, I think being in the profession that we're in as coaching, we are in a great opportunity to [00:33:00] be able to help people heal and for not just for that reason, but for other reasons as well. But it, you ask me how did I get to where I'm at, I think that's another answer I would say is that I. Got to a point to where it felt like, I don't know if I could just from a purpose standpoint, be okay just working at a company anymore. I think I do need some, something else in my life to be able to have this purpose and healing is example of that, right? Like how can I help somebody? For whatever way that it's, it means for them and what they need in the moment. And that's a reason why I think coaching really speaks to me.
Julie Harris Oliver: Same. Okay. So we're gonna have one person at a time, and we're going to help one leader at a time, and hopefully get enough leaders in the world. To sort it out. I think we did that very, uh, delicately and diplomatically and Okay. Uh, where can people find you?
Ben Basilan: You can reach out to me on through [00:34:00] my email ben.basilan at gmail.com or also through LinkedIn.
Julie Harris Oliver: Okay, great. And we'll link to that in the show notes. And is there anything I should have asked you that I didn't ask you or anything you'd wanna leave us with?
Ben Basilan: No, you got it.
Julie Harris Oliver: And scene. Okay, ben, thank you so much for doing this today.
Ben Basilan: Thank you, Julie. Goodbye.
Julie Harris Oliver: Goodbye.
This has been deep work out loud. I'm Julie Harris Oliver. I'd like to thank Ben Basilan for joining the podcast. If any of this resonates with you, please subscribe, leave a review at all the podcast places, and if you'd like to work with me, you can find me at julieharrisoliver.com. And let me leave you with this invitation.
What might I look for you to spend some time thinking about your identity and how things might be changing. What are you taking up and what are you letting go and what can you try? Go try some things and report back. Thanks for listening. See you next time.
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